Sunday, January 23, 2011


Jeff and I may not have time or money for them...ever.

Basically, in order for him to have any kind of career in his field, he has to go to grad school. Which, at Chico State, will cost between $15,000 and $20,000 dollars. He's supposed to start getting more hours at work soon... and if he does, pretty much all of his money will have to be saved in order to afford his Master's degree. He likely wouldn't be able to start until next spring, and wouldn't graduate until at least 2013.

There's no way I can continue paying to fix up our house, have him save for school, AND buy a vehicle you can actually put a kid in. Assuming he CAN pay for school all by himself, that still leaves me to pay for everything related to fixing up the house - including two full bathroom remodels, two more bedrooms, the kitchen floor, and anything we do to the outside of it.

Our long-term savings, at this point, amounts to $200.

Oh, and none of this includes his student loans, which, while they would go back to being deferred if/when he goes back to school, would still cost us probably $200/month between this coming July and whenever he goes back.

All this makes me feel like everything I want has to be put off. Because I have no career aspirations; having a kid is about the only thing I had to look forward to, and, if that's even doable, wouldn't be able to happen for at least another three years.

By that point, I'll have been working at a place I hate for 10 years.... A place, I suspect, where if I were to even take the six weeks that most women tend to take after having a baby, I probably wouldn't have a job to go back to.

I guess I'll just give up on the only thing I thought I wanted, and put all my effort into getting Jeff what he wants.


  1. Ouch. That's a really tough spot to be in. It's a wish I've had to put on hold myself, because it's just not safe for us to try to have biological children. So adoption is fine for us, but I want to go to school myself, which throws a wrench in everything.

    So, I realize that none of this was helpful advise to you, & I'm sorry for that. I guess that the only worthwhile thing I can offer is an ear if you need to vent - & you've got that anytime you want it.

  2. Love you. Things will work out some how. But I do understand how you are feeling. Putting off kids is the only thing I know how to do at this point in time, but time is ticking. I have to get my affairs in order sooner than you need to on this one. But I still have faith.