Sunday, January 30, 2011

Rethinking friendship

So I have this friend. He and I briefly dated, until he decided that I was "too intense" and that he "wasn't ready" for a relationship. He had (has?) a variety of issues, related to not trusting women because his ex-wife cheated on him, and generally being insecure. Whatever, aren't we all, yadda yadda.

He and I chat online occasionally, him trying to play the therapist to me, which I think he thinks he's entitled to do because he has a Bachelor's degree in psychology.

Inevitably, the conversation comes back around to me obviously being miserable in my marriage. Today I got the added bonus of being told not to "buy too far into the American Dream," so that I'm not disappointed when it doesn't happen the way I expected.

Excuse me? I understand that your marriage fell apart because she cheated on you with another woman. I understand that things aren't going for YOU quite the way you wanted or imagined, or whatever. And yes, I'm unhappy sometimes, because life isn't always peaches and rainbows, but I'm not miserable spending a weekend by myself while Jeff's out of town. I kind of like sitting around, not having to listen to his talk radio, or the comedy shows he watches on Netflix, or whatever - but I love him, and I love our shitty little house, and you don't get to tell me I don't, because it isn't true.

Why do "friends" always end up so disappointing? What am I doing wrong?


  1. Sounds like someone is projecting their unhappiness onto you. Real friends are happy for you when you're happy, not jealous. Life isn't a Hallmark movie. You can't be smiling all the time, & we'd all be so freaking bored with our lives if we were.

    At the end of the day, relationships are difficult because spending that much time with one person is difficult - & it's not proportional to how much you love & want to be with them. A weekend alone is a gift, & you're entitled to enjoy it.

  2. Marriage is hard work a person who says so is just fooling themselves. Everyone is unhappy from time to time and that is "normal" I say the marriage (or more precise the people in the marriage) who is happy all the time is a marriage doomed to fail, because they are not dealing with reality.

  3. And I would rethink letting a person with only a B.A. in psychology give you mental health advice.

  4. What got me most was that...I wasn't unhappy. I was having a good day, and frankly, he ruined it. I'm not sure I'll reply to his "I just wanted to cheer you up" emails, because his motives aren't exactly pure - mostly, he thinks that if I'm unhappy, I'll hook up with him. Sigh.

    Boys are stupid.

  5. Okay, he just wants everyone else to have marriage issues like he did! I wouldn't listen to him ever! Don't let him ruin your day either, he's not worth it!! No one can ruin your day unless you let them. Unfortunately, most people will try to do that. Isn't that terrible? Whenever I write something nice and loving on facebook, someone ALWAYS tries to say something negative. There are few people in this world who are genuine, like you!!