1. What is that thing that no one, not even your partner, your mother or your best friend, knows about you?
Well. If no one knows, then I'd probably like them to continue NOT knowing, which doesn't lend itself particularly well to a blog post, now does it? I'll guess I'll have to adapt it for this purpose.
I find it incredibly difficult to share anything. Growing up, the "best friends" I had weren't those lasting ones of Lifetime made-for-TV movies where you meet in the sandbox and go to graduate school together. They were of a "Oh, we're in the same class this year, let's be friends for the year!" variety. I remember having a "best friend" in third grade, and a different one for fifth grade, but not really one after that for a long time. When I was 13 I went to nerd summer camp at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, and fell in love for the first time.
He and I stayed in touch, having been lucky enough to meet at the very beginning of the era of cell phones and instant messenging. He looked out for me, in ways I never reciprocated. I was depressed, to the point of suicidal ideation, and told him about it; he had his father call my high school so my guidance counselor could check up on me. (Maybe no one at all knew that? Hm.)
Anyway... that all ended. He met a girl, dragged her around the country with him as he moved from one high paying job to the next. She found out about my friendship with him, and grew Jealous-with-a-capital-J. She decided it was inappropriate for he and I talk to talk about sex... nevermind the fact that my conversations with him were me trying to steer him away from looking for prostitutes on Craigslist.
When your best friend turns your back on you with not even a good-bye, it makes it hard to share...
So most friends don't know much about me. And that's probably for the best.
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When you feel trust someone completely & let them inside the little world that no one knows about, it's so hard to understand why they would ever let anything get in the way of that. Unfortunately, I know all too well that something so silly can rock the boat enough to end years of friendship (over a decade in my situation).
ReplyDeleteAs hard as it's been, I've accepted that the end of our relationship doesn't make all the positive things go away. And while I'll always be sad that things couldn't stay the way they were, it's taught me to cherish the moments I have with the people in my life as they're happening because you just never know what will happen.
I'm late in getting back to you on this one, Renee, but I think I'm going to look at it that way. Yes, I'm not friends with him anymore - but he was so supportive through some rough times, he really taught me what love can and perhaps ought to be. With other friends I've lost, it's definitely more important that I remember the good times than the last few painful emails, or awkward conversations, or what have you.
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